» Mental Health

Is Your Stuff Taking Over Your Life?

Carol — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:14:57 +0000

I just read a great article about how clutter, whether it be from stuff in your house or the stuff in your head, can take over your life. We’ve all seen Hoarders and listened to the Doomsayers on TV. Don’t become one of them…even a fraction of one of them.

This article particularly resonated with me because of my recent, downsizing move to a much smaller home. I had to release a lot of emotion surrounding giving up my long-collected treasured things. Not that they were all that valuable, but they were mine, mine, mine! Lovingly acquired over years of marriage.

But surprisingly, I found a freedom from the confines of consumerism. I’m happy now that I’m more organized and pared down. Read the article below, and tell me how you feel.

Every single person I have met tells me not only about their own clutter problems but about those of a family member, or those of a friend. Nobody seems immune. The stories are not dissimilar—papers and magazines run amok, garages overflow with unopened boxes, kids’ toys fill rooms, and closets are so stuffed that it looks like the clothing department of a major retailer is having a fire sale.

The epidemic of clutter, the seeming inability to get organized, and the sense that “the stuff” is taking over affects us all. We are at the center of an orgy of consumption, and many are now seeing that this need to own so much comes with a heavy price: kids so overstimulated by the sheer volume of stuff in their home that they lose the ability to concentrate and focus. Financial strain caused by misplaced bills or overpurchasing. Constant fighting because neither partner is prepared to let go of their possessions. The embarrassment of living in a house that long ago became more of a storage facility than a home.

This clutter doesn’t come just in the form of the physical items that crowd our homes. We are bombarded every day with dire predictions of disaster and face many uncertainties—some real and many manufactured. Think about the perils that we’ve been warned about in the last decade alone—killer bees, Y2K, SARS, anthrax, mad cow disease, avian flu, flesh-eating bacteria…the list goes on and on. We are also faced daily with reports of war, an unstable economy and global terrorism coming very close to home.

Surprisingly, this endless barrage (its own kind of clutter) inspires many of the families with whom I work to finally take control of their own clutter. In an unpredictable, dangerous world that is out of their control, they look to their homes for stability—to get some degree of organization back into their closets, their garages, their home offices, their lives. This quest for organization is a deeply personal response to the feeling that the rest of the world is out of control. –Peter Walsh

How to Be a Lucky Person

Carol — Mon, 16 May 2011 12:51:24 +0000

I’ve had many people say I’m lucky. I’ve never thought of myself as particularly lucky…fortunate maybe…grateful, for sure…but I’ve yet to win the big Lotto jackpot. I’m lucky because I have friends, a wonderful family, a good job with a good boss. And sometimes, no matter how bad the situation, good things seem to come from it. (See my story, Working Through My Stress)

But now there is a scientific study that did find a difference between the lucky and unlucky person. What makes a person lucky? Often it’s less about actual luck than it is about a person’s general outlook. Here’s why.

The fascinating study by psychologist Richard Wiseman found that:

“Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else. They go to parties intent on finding their perfect partner, and so miss opportunities to make good friends. They look through the newspaper determined to find certain job advertisements and, as a result, miss other types of jobs. Lucky people are more relaxed and open, and therefore see what is there, rather than just what they are looking for.”

People who we often consider lucky are more relaxed and open to what’s going on around them. They’re not focused on a single task, blocking out everything else so much that they miss something important and unexpected. What this experiment demonstrates is that luck may not so much be luck, but whether or not our mindset leaves us open to opportunities we would otherwise miss because we’re so absolutely sure of what we want.

So that explains my luckiness. I try to make lemonade out of lemons, to see the positive outcomes from the bad. Look for the best in my situation, and if my situation is bad, work towards a solution. And the study shows, we can all be so lucky.

Working Through My Stress

Carol — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 12:34:56 +0000

Dear Readers,

I need a friend today and hope you all can help. Many of you know that my husband and I sold our house of 16 years. And many of you also know that for 6 months, I’ve been putting many hours of sweat equity into making it perfect. Even in today’s economy, we were lucky enough to get almost full asking price within 48 hours. I felt so fortunate and grateful.

I even met the buyer yesterday when he and a contractor came over to measure our deck. We had a nice and friendly conversation, and I was genuinely happy for his family to move in. I love this house, and want to pass it on to someone who’ll love it like we did.

It has a large deck (40 feet) that has held up many party goers. It is in sturdy shape but is in need of a fresh coat of paint. But after working my butt off inside the house with my fix-it-up projects, I was just too worn out to refinish the deck. Besides, I just did it last summer. It was added to my to-do list.

Today I didn’t feel so lucky; today I got the buyer’s requests after the house inspection. Basically, included in a 4 page list of “wants” like a new hot water heater (ours is only 8 years old), regrading the land (what???), a new furnace, refinishing the hardwood floors (we just did that last month) and fixing everything from a toilet handle that wobbles to wanting fire doors installed, they want us to pay $26K, yes, that’s $26,000, for them to rip out our deck and replace it with a new Trex deck. They wish! Are they mental?

My trust in humanity has been crushed. How can people could look you in the eye, smile, knowing they are about to stab you in the back? I feel used and abused. For today, it has deflated my usually positive feeling that people are innately good. This is just greedy and selfish. And stupid me, here I was worried about whether I should leave them a decorative hook that is in my bathroom because I thought they might like it. I have been trying hard all day to rise above it all.

We won’t pay it, and maybe they know that; we couldn’t even if we wanted to. We’ll compromise on a few things. But this experience lessened my opinion of them as fine people. I have lost respect for them. And when you lose respect, it’s hard to feel anything else positive about them.

We’ll make our counteroffer tomorrow…I’ll let you know what happens. My wise “adopted mom” said it best, “If it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be.” Thanks for letting me rant. I needed it.

Learn by Doing

Carol — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 13:31:04 +0000

If you believe you do not know the answer to a challenging problem, do not immediately Google the problem. Instead, attempt to work out the answer using your own knowledge, experience and assumptions. Then Google. By so doing, you are more likely to learn the correct solution to the problem. Moreover, the process of correcting yourself is likely to be enlightening as well.
- Jeffrey Baumgartner

What do you do when you have a problem to solve? Do you ask the person standing next to you for a quick answer? Do you Google? What is this quote saying? Don’t Google? Don’t help your friends and neighbors with their problems? No.

He’s saying, first, learn by doing. Go ahead and try. Make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes. Embrace mistakes as a source of learning and invention. We actually learn better when we are put in situations that increase the likelihood that we will make errors. Only then will your brain be sufficiently stimulated, you’ll enhance your knowledge by working through the problem, and you’ll be better able to handle a similar situation in the future. And you may surprise yourself with a new creative solution that you innovated.

I believe a huge part of the basis of our website on simplifying your life stems from making those attempts, seeing what works and doesn’t, learning from those mistakes, and freeing ourselves from thinking that life and our surroundings have to be “perfect”.

Sure, I’m nervous when I attempt something new. I have to admit, I’m a big Googler when I don’t know quite how to do something. But I’m always willing to try. For example, my first tiling project wasn’t perfect; my last tiling project wasn’t perfect either! In fact, years from now when someone rips out my last tiling project, they’ll find a large, gaping hole in the drywall. I covered it up with my new tile in a way that would make most professionals cringe. But I was creative in my approach, figured it out for myself, and no one but you and me is the wiser. From the outside, it looks beautiful.

So go ahead, try, fail, try again, think, learn…then ask for help. You may very well surprise yourself. (And be sure to share your experiences with us.)

Uncommon Symptoms of Stress

Carol — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 12:40:13 +0000

We all know about the more common symptoms of stress. Feeling frazzled and overwhelmed can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging process. Long-term stress can even rewire the brain, leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

Obviously none of these are good. But stress can also cause some not so common symptoms. Watch for these unusual signs that you may be under too much stress.

A Sore and Achy Jaw
A sore jaw can be a sign of teeth grinding or clenching which many people do subconsciously when they are under stress. Visit your dentist. Many times they can see signs of wearing of the back teeth from grinding. Ask your dentist about a mouth guard to wear at night. Up to 70% of people who use one say it helped reduce or stop their grinding.

Weekend Headaches
You may be stressed during the week, and then relax on the weekends. A sudden drop in stress can bring on migraines. To minimize these headaches, stick closely to your usual weekday sleeping and eating schedule.

Menstrual Cramps
More stressful women tend to get more painful cramps than those that are less stressed. Stress can upset the balance of hormones. Severe stress can even alter your cycles, causing irregular periods. Exercise is good medicine to soothe cramps and relieve stress.

Bizarre dreams
Most of the time, dreams get progressively more positive as you sleep so we wake up happier than before you went to bed, says psychologists. But when stressed, you wake up more often, disrupting this process and allowing odd dreams. Try to get 7 to 8 hours of sleep per night, and avoid stimulants like coffee, alcohol, chocolate, and other caffeine before bed.